I am learning to understand where my thinking is stinking. It is not my kids fault that I am where I am, it is mine. It is my choices that got me here. Okay, I don't think I want to take total blame for all that has happened to me. I did not chose to have my husband die. However, it seems like some of my children think I did. It was lung cancer and we had no choice. Damn cigarettes. I just don't understand those things. I do however know the constant struggle and humiliation he lived with by being addicted to them.
Okay, so Tami went to Saint Simon's yesterday...I didn't know she was going...Saint Simon's Island is where I put my husband's ashes in the ocean. It is also where Jerry and I vacationed. He loved it there. I have not been back for 6 years. I would love to go back for a visit. Hmmm but Tami didn't think of me. I was very upset yesterday when I heard she went there without even telling me...I spent the entire night telling myself how stupid I was being. It is there life and I cannot force myself into it. However, it is still lonely out here. I can't expect my children to feel my pain and know what I need. Darn it. I know I need to make a life for myself. However, I just don't feel like it without them. I have had kids since I was 17. Where do I go from here?
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